I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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