we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
