just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize