my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
