haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
