I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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