You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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