bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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