So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
