it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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