So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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