so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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