..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
