Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
