I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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