I got chris browned last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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