i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
