Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
