My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
