Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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