I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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