Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
