you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
