They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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