6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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