I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
