i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
