i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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