Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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