I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
