Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
