True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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