You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
