forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
