great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
