Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
