last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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