I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
