Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
