i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
