you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
