When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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