honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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