it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
