90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
