Plan B is the new Plan A
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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