I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
