I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
