I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
