I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
