hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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