A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
