Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
