Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why do cheetos always look like penises
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.