barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.