why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think my mom watched the whole time
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.