Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him