And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast