Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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