Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
