i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
